Dear Mary Jane

Dear MaryJane: I am TOTALLY CONFUSED about the products found at my local dispensary! First, what is the difference between indica, sativa and hybrid types of marijuana?  Why does everybody make such a big deal about this?  Do you have a favorite strain that you use? MJ, you are my last hope; please don’t make me fall on my sword!

Love, Maximus

My Dearest Maximus,

Professing that which you do not know is the first step in learning something new.  I applaud that!  Stick your head out the window closest to you. Do you hear that clapping?  That’s ME! And they say stoners are dumb.  You could have fooled me! What were we talking about? These are some excellent questions, so I do not think that ritualistic suicide is necessary.  Or even a good idea, for that matter.

Starting from the ground up (HA! Get it?), let’s discuss some marijuana basics.  Let me tell you what everybody knows about the differences between cannabis sativa and cannabis indica. Indica is sedating, while sativa is energizing.  Sativa provides a cerebral experience, while indica is practically a sedative.  Indica stimulates appetite, but sativa can inhibit those pangs of hunger. Sativa is for daytime use, while indica is best saved for nighttime.  And hybrids?  Only Frank Sinatra could play God.

Well, I’m calling bullshit on the whole thing.  All of it.  I’m no flat-Earther, and I do concede that cannabis sativa and cannabis indica are plants that do exist.  My problem lies in the tremendous oversimplification of assumed attributes based upon name alone.  Sorry to rant, Maximus, but this really pisses me off.  Do you know how to tell a noob to the weed game at a dispensary? The noob is the one who is solely interested in one or the other, making him or her an excellent candidate for buying The Stratosphere from you

If you truly want to tailor your marijuana experience, you must educate yourself about THC, CBD and terpenes.  There are acres of information regarding THC and CBD available pretty much everywhere these days, so you can study up on those for yourself.  Terpenes, on the other hand, deserve a bit of a happy ending.  So to speak. As it were. If you are familiar with aromatherapy, then you are no stranger to terpenes; if not, you can just choke on your ignorance!

Just kidding!  I do that from time to time- just part of me being me.  Terpenes are chemical compounds found in a variety of plants, fruits and veggies.  Would you like to hear one of my favorite weed hacks? If you have some mid-grade weed, eat some mango before you smoke your mids. You will swear that you are smoking moon rocks or something! Why is this so? Mangoes contain a terpene called myrcene.  While I am not a fan of mangoes, I do like me some myrcene.

Can you see where I am going with this, dear Maximus?  “Indica” and “Sativa” might have meant something back in the day, but I would be inclined to think that pure strains of either are almost nonexistent in our crossbred, hyper-pollinated world. Terpenes, THC and CBD percentages will dictate the type of experience that you have. Go to a site like Leafly.com and explore their terpene data. This will help you identify exactly which terpenes you feel would help your experience. I personally look for strains that have myrcene, linalool, pinene and caryophyllene, along with 18-22% THC and as much CBD as possible.

Study up on terpenes and their effects on your body, and forget about the indica/sativa nonsense.

With love from a hazy cloud,

MJD