Waking and baking has always been a favorite of mine. As the New Year approached I wanted to take a new approach to each day instead of the year as a whole. So naturally that starts with my morning; a ritual of exhaling a bowl of bud before I inhale breakfast. More specifically, I have […]
Waking and baking has always been a favorite of mine. As the New Year approached I wanted to take a new approach to each day instead of the year as a whole. So naturally that starts with my morning; a ritual of exhaling a bowl of bud before I inhale breakfast. More specifically, I have felt compelled to dig into my need for weed. I made the decision to crop THC out of my life for 21 days in order to challenge myself in finding exactly where my need stems from; is it medically necessary for me or am I abusing my recreational rights to nurture a deeper dependency? In order to be successful I started smoking CBD flower to compare the cousin cannabinoids and the side effects have been wildly promising.
In an article I wrote titled Addicted To Sober, I opened up briefly about being formerly addicted to adderall and living a lavishly belligerent life. My goal was to destigmatize cannabis and reinvent respect for a plant I feel is opportunistically underrated. In my sobriety I have come to understand simply that I am human, before I am an addict, before I am a woman, before all the titles, I am human. And just like every other human, I experience pain. But in my sobriety, I have realized that the suffering is optional. I am learning that the way I exercise to strengthen my body, my mental health routinely needs the same type of endorphin-al rush. It’s the abstract high I chase now. As I shed myself of resentment it helps me to live with a clearer perspective of life and it’s opportunities.
Recently, in my relationships I have made a conscious effort to communicate candidly in search of this underground vulnerability we all share on the subject of mental health. The truth is we all have a past that more than likely at some point has troubled us. Our appetites for happiness are like food, it is vital to our lives but that doesn’t mean we all crave the same fillings. Who are we to judge another person for taking a different route to the same place? We are all after Nirvana, after all. The more I learn about others pain and their versions of suffering, it begins to belittle my own anxieties. More or less these conversations bring my troubles to a minimum in understanding I am not alone in my hardships. I have become of the opinion that this seemingly uncomfortable version of honesty is actually liberating and quite healing. Instead of talking about the weather or sports maybe initiating a discussion about childhood and how we got here could be an option for the smoker’s circle. Feeling understood from start to finish can be humbling and motivating. The more often you run the easier it gets. Maybe if we were more transparent about our sufferings they would become less frequent because the pain never ceases.
CBD has been a newfound saving grace in my world. I fully intend on socially smoking THC and still stand behind all of its healing properties. But I found my need for weed has shifted. The non-psychoactive option that CBD offers allows me to fill my fix of smoking, checks my anxiety, opens my creativity, and sets my mental health up for success each morning. I found that sometimes smoking THC takes too much control of my imagination. In a social circle, it makes for a great time but by myself it can discourage me from channeling my day in the right direction.
Hopefully we can raise an empathetic awareness for honesty because transparency is comforting. Instead of being a, me too victim, we can all be me too in an understanding that feeling misunderstood is dangerous and we can prevent it.